迎接新的一年

今天是最后一天，我可以让自己放纵一点，去回想过去的人与事。当今晚时钟敲到十二点正时，一切都该从头开始，过去的让它一一离去，不再回头一眼。遗忘那些不属于我的东西，不再向往或争取，我不可能掌握在手里的幸福。等待已失去了它的意义，再做什么都是多余的。

我应该长大了，不再像个小孩一样，依赖关心和爱我的人。转组到心脏部门不久的我，的确是在哪儿吃了不少苦。奋斗了多年，要我在这么短的时间，做那么大的改变，可把我弄得快发疯了。如果不是拥有一班朋友或同事们的支持，我一定倒下来。今年初发生在我身上的事特别多，恨恨得把我的精神支柱，拉了下来。他已不再属于我，说变就变，那么的狠下心遗弃我。再难听的话他都说了，完全不顾虑我的感受。而我的心还是向着他，不过我可以很确定的说，我已不再爱他了。好不容易把对他的感情一一的丢掉，不再强言欢笑，百般忍受他的行为举子。

爱情对我来说是奢侈的，根本都不能成为生命中的一切。给的爱越是多，伤的程度就越深。如果爱一个人，换来的是牺牲或是一场悲剧，你觉得值得吗？花了四年的时间去经营一段，没有未来的幸福，是多么的可悲。很庆幸我们只走到这一步，如果迟了，可能我会后悔当初，为什么会爱上这样的一种人？？？不负责任，一切为自己着想的男人。不过我没有后悔我们当初对彼此的爱，现在此时此刻，我会为他掉最后一次的眼泪。希望我能找到一个真正爱我的人。

<天灰> & <倔将的背后>

如果你不再出现 我的世界还有什么可贵
可惜不够时间 让我们试验什么叫永远
想念变成怀念 心动变成心碎
偏偏还会关切你最后属于谁 如果你从没出现我会不会觉得快乐一些
可惜残忍时间 总要把诺言一点点摧毁

谁记得谁为爱情着了魔 太冲动的说 you're all that i need
失去了你的生活再华丽又算什么 有些幸福简简单单就已足够
在倔将的背后 看不见的伤口
在微笑的背后放弃自尊挽留
在故事的最后谁都不愿开口 在重逢的路口
给我一个理由 让自己往前走
走向下个路口 找个人有和你似曾相识的温柔

As far as i m concern now,i knw tat wat is done cant be undone.Had been trying my best to overcome any obstacles to stop those emotions from harming me,disrupt my thinking from facing reality.The truth is always very hurting & painful to endure,i shall try my very best to abandon those ppl n things which caused harm to me,more than once.Once u get hurt,ppl can pity u.2nd time,u r careless.3rd time,there is no excuse tat ppl will show u the same treatment or care 4 u,cos mistakes haf been repeated n nv learnt from them.

No matter how hard its i haf to force myself,to go on & luv myself more.Maybe i spend too much time to luv others,so this time god give me this chance to try luv myself.Abandon tat person & live life more happily,its hard but can be done if i can be very focus on it.So hope my frens can give me their support,to help me survive this challenge.Thanks everyone who care for me,i m very appreciated.

<感情是脆弱的>

周杰伦-枫

乌云在我们心里刻下一块阴影 我聆听沉寂已久的心情
清晰透明就像美丽的风景 总在回忆里才看的清
被伤透的心能不能够继续爱我 我用力牵起没温度的双手
过往温柔已经被时间上锁 只剩挥散不去的难过
缓缓掉落的枫叶像思念 我点燃烛火温暖岁末的秋天
极光掠过天边 北风掠过想你的容颜
我把爱烧成了落叶 却换不回熟悉的那张脸
缓缓掉落的枫叶像思念 为何挽回要赶在冬天来之前
爱你穿越时间 两行来自秋末的眼泪
让爱渗透了地面 我要的只是你在我身边被伤透的心能不能够继续爱我
我用力牵起没温度的双手 过往温柔已经被时间上锁
只剩挥散不去的难过 在山腰间飘逸的红雨
随著北风凋零我轻轻摇曳风铃 想唤醒被遗弃的爱情
雪花已铺满了地 深怕窗外枫叶已结成冰

At this point of time,how I feel is similar to this song.Sometimes no matter how much u wanna treasure a relationship,it still haf to depend on the other party to commit.If one cant commit,no matter how hard u try to salvage,it will still go down to the drain.Problems comes must resolve fast,dun try to escape or hide til it surface up again & caused a strain between both parties.

During break-up,must it always be so hurtful to the extent of hurting one's feelings & make u feel so small tat u haf no choice at all?Does tat serve any purpose,wat does it tells on the speaker?Relationship is too hard for me to figure out,lots of ups & downs tat can affect your thinking.The scar caused & hurt is too deep tat i sink to the bottom of my shield.Or shld i say all along i nv close my shield,tats y easily get hurt n tolerate til bruise.Maybe this is a kind of self-pity as wat my fren says,or even a way to buffer myself
自欺欺人,so tat i can feel better???High possibility.

But it can only last for quite some time,i cant be hiding in this comfort zone for too long.Too used to get hurt is already a pathetic & sad thing liao,yet y i still nd to hurt myself by doing so.i dunno...maybe someone out there can give me some gd ideas,guidance or even share experiences to overcome such stuffs.Maybe god arrange this test to challenge or give me courage to overcome myself & grow up strong.Lets hope for the best & wish tat i can succeed to forget him.Relationship is weak & cant withstand temptations or obstacles.